Mega Shark v Giant Octopus
Have been meaning to watch this film for quite a while as I’d heard how bad it was meant to be and wanted to see just how bad it was, surely a film called Mega Shark v Giant Octopus couldn’t be that bad?
Well I am pleased to say that those who slate it are wrong. The film is nigh on genius. The title alone ranks it along the likes of ‘Snakes on a Plane’ for sheer ingenuity, and whereas Snakes on a Plane was pretty well made for a B-Movie film, Mega Shark goes for the complete opposite and gives hope to everyone out there who thinks they would like to make films but are a bit put off by how daunting it looks then just watch this film and put your mind at rest and give it a go.
Worried about continuity in your film? Don’t bother, just film whatever you want and don’t pay attention to making sure actors standing by an actor in one scene then appear walking towards and past them in the next scene.
Worried about making sure people know where certain scenes are taking place? Just film a tracking shot showing a guard in aviators outside a building with the text of where the place is and everytime you go to that place just replay this same scene over and over again, it’s not like anyone will actually notice this.
Worried about how to make a chase scene involving a sub being chased by Mega Shark last a lot longer than the initial few seconds it was? Just keep replaying the same scene about 5/6 times and you have a long chase scene.
Not sure if people will question how a shark that can apparently do 500 knots won’t be able to catch a sub despite only being 300 metres behind it? That’s easily solved by giving the sub a turbo boost button, obviously that will help push the sub up being faster than 500 knots. I’m no aquatics expert but i’m pretty sure subs don’t go faster than 500 knots.
Want to have a sub attacking Mega Shark as it comes towards them? That’s fine, just have the sub fire off a load of shots and disregard the fact that whilst the sub is shooting forward the shark is actually shown coming from the side of the sub. Just cut to the shark and show some shots firing through the water and you’re sorted.
Want to put in a little sex scene involving the good looking lead lady and another scientist to keep people entertained? Not a problem, have her exchange some flirting with another scientist about how much they love the ocean and then cut to them kissing then just when you think you might get a bit of nudity in the movie cut straight to them sitting next to each other and then completely disregard the fact that they have just had sex in a cleaners closet and leave the mop and bucket right next to them whilst they talk about how good they both smell!
Think it would be cool to have a shark attack a plane? It is. Can’t work out how to do it though? All you need to do is show a reasonably large shark jumping up towards one of the windows, then cut to outside the plane and show a massive shark attacking the whole of the plane, it’s not like anyone will realise the sharks were different sizes.
If you have a friend you want in the film but don’t know where to put them, then you can solve this by filming a video conference scene and have one frame with your friend in, then quickly go back to the normal frame and hope nobody will notice the editor has thrown in a scene.
Seems like I am rather slating this film to be honest but with everything you have to look at and remark at how bad it is and wonder just how they thought they would be able to get away with such sloppy filmmaking, I think it’s rather brilliant. How can anyone not like a film that dares to call itself Mega Shark v Giant Octopus? I for one am looking forward to Piranha 3D when that comes out in a few months, never seen the original but this version sounds promising, a group of young people, Kelly Brook included, partying on an island semi-naked in 3d and then getting attacked by a shed load of Piranha, what is not to like about that?
