I Feel The Need, The Need For Speed

I am going to struggle at the North Run

Finally forced myself to go for a run today as I have been putting it off since my last run a couple of weekas ago and it is slowly dawning on me that I really do need to start going running every day pretty much to give me any hope of finishing the North Run. Went along my usual route which is just over 5k and my last few runs have taken me about 32/33 minutes, albeit with a couple of stops along the way due to being knackered.

 So I set off this morning and got to about a quarter of the way round and started walking for a bit before carrying on. This was a big mistake as I ended up stopping a fair few times due to generally feeling a bit knackered. I finally managed to finish the run and checked my time, 31:23. So somehow I have managed to do what I considered to be one of my worst runs on that route and managed to beat my previous times.

 I really don’t understand how I managed this as I must have been walking for at least 4/5 minutes of the run and yet still did better than I’ve done before, this either means that when I was running I was going quite fast and managed to cover a fair bit of distance before slowing down, or that my phone may not have timed it properly.  I am inclined to go with the first option as at least this gives me the feeling that whilst I am actually running I can go reasonably quickly, just need to now find out how to stop meself slowing down and walking for a bit as I’m not feeling stitch or any injury, just generally can;t keep myself going.

Still, there is about 7 weeks left to go still so I may well finally get in to this running lark and be able to manage to run most of the North Run without any major problems. Just need to find some more playlists to keep me entertained on the run as listening to the same mix by Netsky on my phone is getting to be a tad monotonous now.

Mega Shark v Giant Octopus

Have been meaning to watch this film for quite a while as I’d heard how bad it was meant to be and wanted to see just how bad it was, surely a film called Mega Shark v Giant Octopus couldn’t be that bad?

Well I am pleased to say that those who slate it are wrong. The film is nigh on genius. The title alone ranks it along the likes of ‘Snakes on a Plane’ for sheer ingenuity, and whereas Snakes on a Plane was pretty well made for a B-Movie film, Mega Shark goes for the complete opposite and gives hope to everyone out there who thinks they would like to make films but are a bit put off by how daunting it looks then just watch this film and put your mind at rest and give it a go.

Worried about continuity in your film? Don’t bother, just film whatever you want and don’t pay attention to making sure actors standing by an actor in one scene then appear walking towards and past them in the next scene.

Worried about making sure people know where certain scenes are taking place? Just film a tracking shot showing a guard in aviators outside a building with the text of where the place is and everytime you go to that place just replay this same scene over and over again, it’s not like anyone will actually notice this.

Worried about how to make a chase scene involving a sub being chased by Mega Shark last a lot longer than the initial few seconds it was? Just keep replaying the same scene about 5/6 times and you have a long chase scene.

Not sure if people will question how a shark that can apparently do 500 knots won’t be able to catch a sub despite only being 300 metres behind it? That’s easily solved by giving the sub a turbo boost button, obviously that will help push the sub up being faster than 500 knots. I’m no aquatics expert but i’m pretty sure subs don’t go faster than 500 knots.

Want to have a sub attacking Mega Shark as it comes towards them? That’s fine, just have the sub fire off a load of shots and disregard the fact that whilst the sub is shooting forward the shark is actually shown coming from the side of the sub. Just cut to the shark and show some shots firing through the water and you’re sorted.

Want to put in a little sex scene involving the good looking lead lady and another scientist to keep people entertained? Not a problem, have her exchange some flirting with another scientist about how much they love the ocean and then cut to them kissing then just when you think you might get a bit of nudity in the movie cut straight to them sitting next to each other and then completely disregard the fact that they have just had sex in a cleaners closet and leave the mop and bucket right next to them whilst they talk about how good they both smell!

Think it would be cool to have a shark attack a plane? It is. Can’t work out how to do it though? All you need to do is show a reasonably large shark jumping up towards one of the windows, then cut to outside the plane and show a massive shark attacking the whole of the plane, it’s not like anyone will realise the sharks were different sizes.

If you have a friend you want in the film but don’t know where to put them, then you can solve this by filming a video conference scene and have one frame with your friend in, then quickly go back to the normal frame and hope nobody will notice the editor has thrown in a scene.

Seems like I am rather slating this film to be honest but with everything you have to look at and remark at how bad it is and wonder just how they thought they would be able to get away with such sloppy filmmaking, I think it’s rather brilliant. How can anyone not like a film that dares to call itself Mega Shark v Giant Octopus? I for one am looking forward to Piranha 3D when that comes out in a few months, never seen the original but this version sounds promising, a group of young people, Kelly Brook included, partying on an island semi-naked in 3d and then getting attacked by a shed load of Piranha, what is not to like about that?

Free Noisettes Gig

So I entered a competition a while ago that I completely forgot about to be honest and got an email a week or so ago informing me that I had won two tickets to see the Noisettes in Kentish Town. This was all done through some Russian Standard Vodka promotion and I cannot for the life of me recall even entering but I’m not one to turn down free tickets to a gig so went along last night.

I listened to the Noisettes album a fair bit the last week and to be honest it’s pretty good so I was quite looking forward to them, not so much the support band ‘Chew Lips’.

My joy at actually winning something was a little short lived on arriving to the gig though as I soon found out that everyone there had also won tickets and the whole night was sponsored by Russian Standard Vodka so obviously I was not as lucky as I thought to win the tickets, with the amount of people there it wouldnt surprise me if everyone that entered won tickets to it.

They had some people going round with a camera recording some interviews with people in the queue so obviously they went past a load of people in the queue and decided to stop when they got to me and ask me some questions about the night. I’m not sure what they expected from the interview but i’m pretty sure they didn’t want me telling them that I didnt reven remember entering the competition but was happy enough to get the free tickets as I don’t win much. They then asked if I was going to be trying any Russian Standard Vodka probably hoping for some great soundbite they could use in some really cool advert showing how great people think the vodka is, what they probably didn’t want was me saying ‘Well if you put some coke in it I might give it a go’. I’m not so sure that’s an advertising slogan that they will be putting to use anytime soon but thats what they get when they stop and ask me stupid questions in a queue.

The gig was actually pretty good, the Chew Lips were given a great introduction by some random guy claiming that they had had a great year and were going to be playing some epic electro tunes. He lied. All the songs pretty much sounded the same and it’s a sad indictment as a new band starting out that my favourite song of theirs is a remix by Netsky of their single Karen. It also didn’t help that the lead singer was a woman who seemed unable to work out what she should do with the hand that wasn’t holding the microphone so took the decision to just grab her crotch throughout most of the songs, not a good look.

The Noisettes themselves were rather good and the lead singer was pretty good too, at least she has a bit of stage presence and didnt take to crotch grabbing throughout the songs anyway.

All in all a pretty good night seeing as it was free and the Noisettes were good. I didn’t drink any Russian Standard Vodka though so not entirely sure what they got out of giving me free tickets, but then again maybe they will release a new advertising campaign based around my response in the interview, ‘Russain Standard Vodka - Put some coke in it and it’s not too bad’. I can see this catching on.

Outdoor Run No.2

Well today was the day of my second outdoor run. I hadn’t actually been for a run since my last outdoor run a week or so ago so in essence I could have just classed this is my next proper run but that would not have sounded anywhere near as impressing as Outdoor Run No.2.

Well those of you that have actually read the blog will have seen that my first run outdoors was around Stewartby lake and I managed to run 4.3km in 27:13 seconds.

 All I was hoping for from this run was to at least show some improvementfrom my previous run, which shouldnt have been that hard really. Well I set the app on my phone to track the run and off I went. Actually managed to get round the whole thing with only about 3 stops and one of these was pretty much because my music had stopped playing and I needed to sort it out.

When I’d finished I checked the app and somehow I had managed to run an extra half a kilometre around the lake than I did before, not sure how I managed that as I’m pretty sure I went exactly the same way but who am I to argue with technology. My phone told me I finished my run in 27:07 so I showed a 6 second improvement in only a week! However this also encompassed the extra half a km so I actually managed to run 4.93km in just over 27 minutes and I’m pretty pleased with that. Partly due to the fact that when I ran my first 5k race in December I finished it in 34 minutes so in just five months I have shown a hell of an improvement from that time.

 I just have to hope that I can keep on forcing myself to get running longer and try and run the whole lake without stopping by the end of this month to at least reach a target of being able to run just under a quarter of the half marathon in under half hour with five months left to go to keep improving.

I’ve even enquired about joining a running club in Bedford in the hope that I will be more focussed on turning up to the meetings and going running on a more regular basis.

Who knows, I may well even be able to reach my goal of doing 13 miles in under two hours by September.

1st Outdoor Run

Well I finally did it on Saturday. I went for a run outdoors. Thought i better do it rather than stick to gym running as I’ve gotta get used to it soon enough. Got some application on me Android phone to monitor the run for me and set off for a run around Stewartby Lake. 

 It wasn’t brilliant in all honesty. I stopped a few times, ok about 3/4 times and the one time I actually managed to run any sort of distance without stopping was when I reached a stage around the lake that said I had 2.2km to go until I got back to where I’d parked the car and I was stopped having a drink of water and another jogger came past and asked if I was ok. Said I was just knackered and off she went. Well I wasn’t going to be shown up by her so off I went aiming to catch her up. Fortunately for me my slow running pace was faster than her running pace, something that being rather taller than her and not having to run as fast yet still catch her up helps.

Once I’d overtaken her I couldn’t very well be seen to stop so I just kept on and reached me car without stopping once which I was rather proud of. Checked the phone and apparently I had run 4.3km in 27 minutes. With a couple of minutes spent stopped.

Gonna give it another go this weekend and see if I can better it and actually start running a fair distance without being a lazy begger and stopping. I think I may actually be better when there are other people around as I’m less likely to stop so hopefully if I can manage to be able to run almost 13 miles by September then the other people running will push me to go right to the end.

Getting Slightly Fitter

Went to the gym today for the second time this week. I know you are going to think I am getting addicted to this fitness lark having made a whopping two visits to the gym in one week but I assure you this is not the case so you can rest easy.

 It went a bit better today than it has previously, mainly as I thought it was time I stopped being a lazy begger and actually tried running a couple of miles without a break. Well I achieved this, minus a few second break where I nearly fell off the treadmill as I was paying more attention to the football on the tv than making sure I wasn’t being a retard and running right on the edge of the treadmill. I got over this moment of looking a dick and carried on. Did 3.2km, which I’m sure you will all know is the equivalent of 2 miles, and did it in just over 18 minutes.

Make that a 9 minute mile and I wasn’t too knackered after this, just had to stop so I could go to work so hopefully I can keep that pace up and try running for 3 miles next week and keep up me training.

If I can manage 9 minute miles then I am on course for doing all 13 in just under 2 hours but then again running 2 miles and running 13 is a whole different complexion so I won’t get too cocky just yet, especially as I havent done any running outside yet but I plan on going for a run round a lake tomorrow and will see how that goes. Hopefully the fresh air will prove to be my saviour and I’ll be fine running round the whole lake, which I think is just over a couple of miles or so, either that or I’ll find I’m completely screwed when it comes to running outdoors and I’ll have to do some proper training to get used to it.

Man Utd V Bayern Munich

Well I know I will come across as bitter Man Utd fan by bemoaning the fact that my team were knocked out of the Champions League tonight but fuck it. I don’t deny the fact that Robben’s goal was pretty much worthy enough to win any game, let alone a deciding quarter final game, but the players of Bayern Munich really do know how to play act.

 I thought Rafael was pretty damn amazing in the first half, he was rather petulant in getting booked but to be fair to the lad he should have had a free kick in the first place seeing as he was quit clearly fouled, he was just a little immature in taking the player out straight away to highlight his frustration. My real annoyance comes with the second booking. Now i’m pretty sure that FIFA bought in a law a while ago stating that any player who waves the imaginary card to the referee is to be booked themselves for unsporting behaviour. Granted Rafael’s pushed Ribery a bit but at most the tackle was nothing more than a free kick. It’s not like Ribery was clear through on goal as he was in the middle of the pitch with 2 other united defenders in front of him. It was when he went straight to the referee waving the card that I got annoyed. The referee should have shown some balls and followed the letter of the law and booked Ribery for being a cheating bastard but instead he let himself be bullied by several of the Munich team all expecting him to show the card and lo and behold he does and United go down to ten men.

That was the one thing that changed the game as if United had 11 men on the pitch then they would have gone on to get the fourth goal and killed the game off, but as is pretty evident, they didn’t, Munich were able to dominate and it took yet another wonder goal to send them through from Robben. 

I still don’t think they are anywhere near good enough to win the cup as I’m now hoping Lyon can knock them out and failing that at least I can rest easy in the knowledge that if they get to the final they will get destroyed by Barcelona.

As a side note I do think that Carrick may be gone at the end of the season as he was pretty woeful tonight, especially with the defending that led to the first goal, and Berbatov will also be gone at the end of the season as he has just shown yet again that he is no adequate replacement for Rooney as he just does not try hard enough.

Getting Fit Malarkey Part 2

Well seeing as we’re now into April and there’s about five months or so left to go until the Great North Run it would be remiss of me not to update those very few people who actually know this blog exists, let alone read it, how I am getting along with the whole aspect of training for a 13 mile run. Well to date I have run about 2 miles in total. That’s right, 2 whoping miles. And they were over a week ago. I kept meaning to get to the gym this week but just never found the time to due to constantly swapping my work shifts around to cover for people.

 Even meant to go yesterday but had to go in to work for a bit to sort out some cock ups, then ended up going to the cinema to see Kick Ass, which by the way is quite amazing, and then eded up at my mates drinking and watching Jackass Part 2, another damn funny film.

  So that leads me to today, I have decided that I am not even going to bother attempting to fool myself in to thinking I will go to the gym as yet again I find myself in work, I will then be watching the Man Utd v Chelsea game and then heading back to finish a bit more work by which time I’m not even going to attemp the gym.

 So with five months to go I have not even managed to run 2 miles consecutively, although I have not even tried to do this at the moment so that may well be the reason for that. I did watch the Eddie Izzard Marathon Man show the other day though and have come to the conclusion that if he can manage all that with only 5 weeks training then I don’t need to worry myself too much yet, just gotta get the Easter Egg eating out of the way tomorrow and then start properly next week with some hardcore training in an attempt to achieve the goal of doing it in under 2 hours, not like the 1 and a half hours that my mate seems to think he can do it in.

Jury Duty

Well, Jury Duty is something I’ve always wanted to do. It just sound like a cool thing to get to do. You watch all the movies that have court cases involved and figure that if you ever got the chance to do Jury Duty you just know you would get on a really cool case and get to spend ages deliberating over all the evidence, not reaching a verdict so going to the pub for lunch and then coming back later on and finally reaching the verdict you think is fair. Then you secretly hope to be the person who gets asked by the judge if the jury has reached a verdict (well you do if you’re me) and then you get to dispense justice and send the bastard down and give a victory for the little guy.

 Wel that’s the image I had when I got the letter through informing me that I had been selected for jury duty. Filled in saying I could accept and looked forward to my two weeks off of work dispensing justice Steve-Style.

 I wasn’t even put off by the fact that I would be starting jury duty on my birthday as I just wanted to do it and see what it was like.

To be honest I would rather had gone to work as jury duty, well my experience of it anyway, is just a complete pile of shite. I got to be on once case in the first week, and that included spending five hours sat around doing sod all on the Monday, yeah just how I planed on spending my birthday thanks. Then got on the case and only sat there for a few hours before getting to go home for the day about half 4. 

Still, I looked forward to the next day as I knew I was on a jury and wouldnt have to wait around for ages again and could hope that the case started getting interesting. Well that all got screwed up as soon as we got in court. Someone had asked to be excused from the jury for some reason and as that meant that there would only be 11 of us instead of 12 and we had only heard a little bit of the evidence we were all discharged and had to wait around to see if we were selected again. 

 I only went and got selected again and had to listen to the first lot of evidence all over again, and it was just as boring as the first time. The case didn’t get interesting, it was clear what we all though the verdict was so a few days later we retired for deliberation and I got to be the foreman and delivered some justice.

 The second week just highlighted what a complete waste of time jury duty can be. Got selected for another jury panel and got in to court to hear the first days evidence and it was clear that despite hoping for a case at least a bit more interesting than the last one, or even, fingers crossed, a nice murder trial, the trial we were on was a load of rubbish and shouldnt even have gone to court. Lo and behold, the day later and the case is thrown out as it was a complete pile of shite. Thanks for wasting two of my days, let’s bring on the next few days and hopefully I’ll get on a good case this time.

That didn’t happen. Got selected for a jury each of the next few days only for the bastards to go and plead guilty before I even had the chance to go in to court.

Now I would like to think that news of me being the foreman on my first trial and dispensing justice the way I saw fit had spread and the defendants thought there was no point even going to court if I was going to be deciding the verdict but still, what a waste of time.

So there you go, jury duty may seem like a pretty damn good thing to get selected for but it’s pretty much nothing but sitting around in the waiting area, reading books and trying to pass the time. The likelihood of getting selected for a trail you would class as ‘good’ are pretty minimal so if you enjoy dispensing justice to petty crimes then jury duty may be your thing, otherwise it’s really nothing other than a good excuse to get a few weeks out of work.

On the plus side though I did manage to read 4 out of the 5 books in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy so at least one good thing did come out of jury duty.